“I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!”

 

  1. “Today, my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.”

  2. “My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.”